4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
