Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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