Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
