i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
