I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
