Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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