woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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