At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
