This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
