he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
