whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
