I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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