I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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