32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
