maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
