It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
