He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
