he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
