i always forget guys have bellybuttons
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
