I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
