So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i already hear my dad disowning me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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