you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
