Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
