I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
