he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
