He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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