There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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