I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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