Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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