I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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