Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
