it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
