dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
