hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We are all done wearing pants today
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
