i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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