ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
