I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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