so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
