I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize