At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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