That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
