I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
