I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
