You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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