do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
