this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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