Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
