Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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