he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
