If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
