Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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