and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
