ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
