During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
