He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
