I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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