What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
