Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
