What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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