thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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