i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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