ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
