At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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