Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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