You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
