i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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