im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
