Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
