i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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