I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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