Sry I called you an 8
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
