How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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