So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
