I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
