Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
