so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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