I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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