East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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