i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
