So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize