You work out of a Hotel?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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