So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
