Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
