kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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