people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
