we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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