she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
