We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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